'He could see above the tallest people'

It's possible you've never heard Cher's eulogy for Sonny Bono, one of the greatest eulogies ever delivered

It’s a grainy video, but we’re so lucky it exists, and for someone like me who has read and watched and listened to thousands of eulogies, it’s a polished gem. The speech was delivered on the 9th January 1998, just over 26 years ago after Sonny died suddenly in a skiing accident. He was 62 years old.

I never know how much ‘teaching’ you want in a Speakola newsletter, but here are the standout aspects, for mine, that make this so great:

Cher addresses head on that she is going to read, and she explains why, and this is the explanation for why most people should read a eulogy. The trick is then to incorporate ‘relaxation’ into the read, which is easier if you’re in your fourth decade as an internationally renowned performer;

She immediately starts weeping, but it isn’t uncontrolled weeping, it just gives everyone else in the room permission to weep too;

She is immediately funny .. ‘I've been writing this stupid eulogy for the last 48 hours. And, of course, I know that this would make Sonny really happy. ‘

There is a poetic grandeur that belongs in a eulogy … ‘He could see above the tallest people’ — such a perfect line, and there’s a formality to it, that bridges the lighter hearted stuff, like the bits about the glasses and the fights.

She includes proper tributes, genuine attempts to acknowledge a person’s singular talents. I love this line: ‘Some people thought that Son wasn't very bright, but he was smart enough to take an introverted 16-year-old girl and a scrappy little Italian guy with a bad voice and turn them into the most successful and beloved couple of this generation’

There’s nothing cookie cutter about the descriptions, or the stories. The Caesar-Napoleon paragraph is the comedic apex of the whole structure, and it’s perfect, with a perfect self deprecatory dismount next to Mount Rushmore;

There’s a hint of conflict in the eulogy, a sense that Sonny Bono was not the easiest man to get along with, and Cher has written and spoken on many occasions about the complicated elements of her marriage. One of the grounds she cited in her divorce papers was ‘involuntary servitude’. This article excerpting a 1999 interview with Cher by journalist Benjamin Svetkey is worth reading. Apparently Cher was accused of acting for the eulogy — “I almost moved out of this country and gave up show business when the reports started coming in that I was acting at Sonny’s eulogy.”

And another snippet from that interview:

Benjamin Svetkey: “He’s a weirdly charismatic guy. He’s totally not what you’d expect a charismatic person to be, but he’s weirdly likable. This was my take on him, I don’t know. You married him, so you must’ve felt the same way. I guess what I’m sort of getting around to, I watched your eulogy and it made me wonder, was this guy your soul mate? I don’t know if you can believe in that kind of thing.”

Cher: “No, because if you talk about ‘soul mate’ that has nothing to do necessarily with husband-wife, then absolutely, because when I met him I was 16, he was 28 years old. He was my mentor, he was my father, he was my husband, he was my partner, he was my daughter’s father. They were all equally important, and so much focus was on the marriage but the marriage was the least-working thing. It worked least for us. Out of all of those relationships, it wasn’t the best-working relationship.”

Almost every eulogist faces the challenge of deciding what not to talk about. A sense that this moment of whole-of-life contemplation shouldn’t become a holding pen for grievances and fights. Cher decided to save the more honest and damning testimonies about Sonny for her memoir, and to make the funeral a celebration of the most positive aspects of Sonny. That she falls apart describing him as a friend and collaborator, that she captures his energy and inventiveness, that she can deliver the whole thing with a poetic energy, with love, makes it one of the great speeches — relationships and the feelings we have for people often are just very complicated. In the end, she chooses the word ‘unforgettable’, and she does it with an oratorical dismount worthy of Simone Biles:

So the last thing I want to say is, when I was young, there was this section in the Reader's Digest. And it was called "The Most Unforgettable Character I've Ever Met." And for me that person is Sonny Bono. And no matter how long I live or who I meet in my life, that person will always be "Son" for me.

Thanks for reading. I’ll be restarting the podcast this year, and am grateful to all of you who pay to keep Speakola ticking over.

Best wishes

Tony Wilson

By Joop van Bilsen / Anefo - http://proxy.handle.net/10648/aafa9f08-d0b4-102d-bcf8-003048976d84, CC0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=66253798

Here is the entire Cher eulogy for Sonny:

For Sonny Bono: 'He could see above the tallest people', Cher - 1998

9 January 1998, Palm Springs, CA, USA

Please excuse my papers, but I've been writing this stupid eulogy for the last 48 hours. And, of course, I know that this would make Sonny really happy. It's like Den said: "He got the last laugh on you."

So because I've had to write some of it down doesn't mean that I'm unprepared. It just means that I'm over prepared in that this is probably the most important thing I've ever done in my life. Don't pay any attention [weeping].