'I am the greatest of all time!' — Billy Crystal's 15 Rounds — a tribute to Muhammad Ali
Local 3AW host Tony Moclair asked me this week who I'd pay to see speak. One I did pay to see was Billy Crystal, architect of the incredible '15 Rounds' tribute to Muhammad Ali.
It’s possibly The Greatest itself. I’m talking about the monologue, not the boxer.
If one of the 4.6 million views of this video isn’t you, you should rectify that now. Billy Crystal’s 1979 masterpiece ‘15 Rounds’ is a in-character journey through the storied career of Muhammad Ali, delivered in front of Ali, and with champ’s reactions inset into the corner. It was delivered and televised as part of a retirement tribute at the Great Western Forum in Inglewood, California.
Crystal’s ear for accents and voices is astonishing. He perfectly inhabits both Ali and Howard Cosell, the legendary broadcaster who was sometimes the butt of Ali jibes and putdowns. The use of the bell to progress the life story gives the monologue forward propulsion. Crystal also lays off the jokes — most of the laughs come from Ali’s wit, or audience appreciation for the beauty of the impression. Crystal leans into the power of the Ali story — from changing his name away from the slave name Cassius Clay, to embracing Islam, to being a conscientious objector over his conscription to serve in Vietnam, to the glorious highs of Zaire and Manilla, to the final, inevitable decline as age overtakes him.
I’ve put the full transcript up on Speakola, but it’s the last round, the one underscored by the emotional piano, that is the climax of an incredible ten minutes of oratory: [watch the whole thing, I urge you. Words on the page fall a mile short of conveying the genius]
[BELL] [As Ali] [Soft piano] He surprised me that Spinks. I guess at the age of 36, I couldn’t train like I want to train, couldn’t do the things in the ring I want to do, gave that ugly sucker the first seven rounds and tried to come back after him. Just gave away too much. Every time I reached back for that something to knock him out, just wasn’t there. Hell, he was so ugly. I figured ain’t no way he could beat me. Oh, Leon. Yeah, they took away his driver’s licence.he walked into a telephone pole. Everybody’s saying to me now, they’re saying, “Hey Champ, you must feel bad you ain’t champ no more. You lost to some kid who looked like a train ran through his face.” I say, “Hey, hey man, I ain’t getting nothing to be sorry about. You see, everybody in life suffers a loss. You see, it’s the one who can overcome the loss and make a success of himself that’s really doing something. [applause] As I look back over my career, I was heavyweight champion 14 years ago, man. Ain’t that something? 14 years ago. I had a great life. Allah has been good to me. 59 professional fights, made a lot of money, got beautiful kids, great family, got everything to look forward to.
But something’s eating at me. I don’t want to go out losing to no Leon Spinks with eight professional fights. I don’t want to be remembered as being out of shape in that ring in Las Vegas. I want him one more time. And I’m going to do it. I’m 36 years of age, my body’s tired. I don’t like training very much, but starting tomorrow, I’m getting in shape for that rematch with Leon. Getting up early, I’m going to run with the moon! I’m going to start hitting that table and doing those pushups, doing sit ups, going to take the punches ... do whatever I have to do, and I’m going to run. And I want to be the first man ever to win the title for the third time. Nobody’s ever done anything like that. But then again, nobody’s ever done anything quite like me. And I’m predicting that I’m going to do it because I want to be the heavyweight champ for the third time. Because I can do it. And you can do it too! No matter what you is in life, no matter what colour, no matter what religion, it’s never too late to start all over again. Never forget that. And you’ll never forget me. I am the greatest of all time!’
[TRIUMPHAL MUSIC, ARMS RAISED, DANCING AROUND STAGE]
My spot with Tony Moclair (3AW Afternoons)
Tony is one of the radio people who have made me their ‘speeches guy’. (I’m open to the role, and it doesn’t have to be just Oz radio with facetime /whatsapp etc). This segment was about Pamela Anderson’s tour of Australia, and we took talkback on speakers /celebrities /motivators you’d pay to see.
Have you paid to go see a speaker? Was it a showbiz star or a political heavy hitter like Clinton or Obama?
I saw Bill Crystal interviewed at the Arts Centre by Andrew Denton back in 2016, and he treated us to some Ali (but not the full 15 Rounds).
Billy Crystal also delivered a Muhammad Ali tribute when Ali died, and again, it’s note perfect. I’ll post it below for paid subscribers below.
Latest post on personal Substack, Good one Wilson!
I ordered a Free Imran Khan T-shirt, thanks to Cricket et al.
For Muhammad Ali: ‘He is gone, but he will never die’, by Billy Crystal - 2016
10 June 2016, Louisville, Kentucky, USA
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, uh, we’re at the halfway point [crowd laughs]. I was clean-shaven when this started.
Dear Lonnie, family, friends, Mr. President [Clinton], members of the clergy, all of these amazing people here in Louisville. Today, this outpouring of love and respect proves that 35 years after he stopped fighting, he is still the champion of the world.
Last week, when we heard the news, time stopped. There was no war, there were no terrorists, no global catastrophes; the world stopped, took a deep breath and sighed.
Since then my mind has been racing through my relationship with this amazing man, which is now 42 years that I know him. Every moment I can think of is cherished. And while others can tell you of his accomplishments, he wanted me to speak and tell you of some personal moments that we had together.
I met him in 1974, I was just getting started as a stand-up comedian and struggling. But I had one good routine: it was a three-minute conversation between Howard Cosell and Muhammad Ali where I would imitate both of them.
