NEW PODCAST EPISODE #43 — Ruth Clare on 'The Pain of Hiding Your True Self'
Ruth Clare wrote an award winning memoir, 'Enemy', about her father's PTSD upon returning from Vietnam and the violence he unleashed in the home. It's been an undercurrent to her three TED talks.
‘I don’t actually live in TEDland, Tony. I visit TEDland …’
Speakola went past 100,000 downloads in the last month, and it was nice to celebrate with another 100 thousander, Ruth Clare, who’s 2018 TEDx talk ‘The Pain of Hiding Your True Self’ just went past 100k views. She’s the latest guest on the podcast.
It’s one of three TEDx talks she’s delivered. The first, about owning your stories, is a beauty but is marred by poor recording quality. The third is called ‘The Power of Plan B Thinking’ but after doing all the work, Ruth copped a plan B from the organisers — ‘Deliver from home. We’re in a pandemic’. Never quite the same.
But the second one, about the time she slipped a disc in her spine and was trapped immobile under a light show in New York’s Grand Central Station before being extricated by the New York Fire Department, is funny and poignant, and speaks about the importance of listening to your true self, and not bending in every direction to please others.
Here’s an excerpt:
Finally the ambulance arrived and they put me on a stretcher and I am in agony. No position feels right. And it hurts too much to cry. So I moan ow, ow, ow over and over again, not caring that I can’t be tough, just wanting someone to see the soft inner core and take care of it so it could make the pain go away.
For weeks I lay in bed barely able to move. My boyfriend was too busy with his career to help. So when my back recovered enough so I could fly back to Australia, that’s what I did. And for the first time in my life I lived by myself.
Without having anyone there to perform in front of, I was left with the thoughts in my own head for company. I lay awake many nights, in too much pain to sleep with thoughts racing through my head. And as I paid attention to them I became aware of how much energy I spent second guessing other people’s thoughts, playing conversations over, wishing I could go back and twist myself into the shape they needed me to be. Knowing who I was and what I needed, rarely featured.
In fact, I realised I had spent most of my life doing everything in my power to make sure no one would ever know the real me, especially those I loved best. If I wasn’t the real me, then when my father hit me, it didn’t hurt so much. If I wasn’t the real me it didn’t matter when my mum was too drunk to cook dinner or look after me.
It’s a great speech, and a terrific episode. Ruth takes us all on a visit to TEDland and you get a sense of how to write and structure talks in the TED shape and size, the most vital elements, and how she chooses to learn and deliver them.
She’s also tells a story about going fishing with her father, and being left alone on an island at the age of ten for a few hours, because she was seasick, that is horrifying to contemplate.
You can book Ruth as a speaker through Booked Out. Or visit her website.
Here is Ruth’s 2016 speech to Child Protection Workers.
Ruth’s episode was the 43rd feature speech since the podcast began, and the thirteenth this year. Become a paid subscriber or a patreon to help provide a financial base to keep making it.
Recent pledges gratefully received from ⭐Sarah Martinelli ⭐Nat Muscat ⭐Adam Collins ⭐ Suible (sorry, don’t have your full name!) ⭐ Estia Norris ⭐ Cedric Vivian ⭐ Deborah Madden ⭐ Julie Spence ⭐ Suzette Wearne
I do have a sponsor for the podcast and it is Docplay, a documentary streaming service with thousands of titles. You get 45 day free trial through the Speakola sign up page. The gem I watched last night was ‘Hip Hoperation’ about a group of 70-95 year old New Zealanders who compete in the World Hip Hop championships in Las Vegas.
A fun listen about the speeches of the year.
